The Gillette Fusion.

Are you one of the few crazy enough to think this was actually going to happen? Or are you sane enough to not actually care. When Gillette came out with the three blade mach3, I figured hey, more of a good thing. If two cuts along my tender cheeks weren't enough, three would definitely suffice. But no. The modern man was not content to have his face subject to cruel and inhumane torture with just three blades, he wants more. Much more.

Next came the Schick Quatro. Like an Audi, but with razorblades for wheels. Clipping apex's and carving out es's on chins across Canada. People all over the land rejoiced at the newfound joy they had in removing skin from their faces, and it was good. But was this enough? Could the Modern Man finally be contented with shaving technology? NO! Not a chance. Not with Gillette loosing precious market share to Schick's new Quatro.

They have now unveiled the Supercar of the shaving world. The Cadillac of trimming. Enter, the Gillette FUSION. Five blood hungry blades, surrounded by "moisturizing aloe strips". Somehow these seem superfluous to me. Once that blitzkrieg of blades crosses it's battlefield, how much skin can reasonably be left to moisturize? But that's not all. They've even included a sixth blade, strategically positioned on the flank to do battle with nose whiskers and side-burns. It's plastic surgery on a stick. It's a nuclear war on your face. Then there's the pulsing heart of the beast. The bloody thing is powered by a battery. Why? Because. That's why.

Well North-America, smile. Be glad for this new breakthrough in shaving technology. Be glad and be thankful, that the utter genius's at the helm of these great companies dare to dream of a better tomorrow. A tomorrow where no man is safe. A future where every sink shall be bathed in the blood of John Doe and Joe Nobody-Because-He-Bled-To-Death-Shaving. That is a future to look forward to.

(I don't actually use these by the way, I like the hairs on my face PULLED out by a vintage Remco)